don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
