Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
