Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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