I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize