I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
