The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
