I accidentally burped into my bong.
it's like iHOP with fire
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
