Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
