it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
