just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
