omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
