There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize