the condom got lost in my hair
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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