I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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