I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize