Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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