Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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