if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
