She went from zero to smokin in five shots
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
