Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
