Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
