My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
