how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
