i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
