I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
