I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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