If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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