I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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