god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
