she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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