I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
