I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
