Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
