Tell her she can't have a vagina
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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