That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
