in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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