remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
