i was born a porn star she said
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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