dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
