Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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