Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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