someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
