you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
