put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
