If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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