erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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