drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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