You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
