ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
