Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
