So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
