Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
