Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
