woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
