I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this boner is exhausting
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize