My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
