after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
