The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
