O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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