I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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