one two three fourrrrnication!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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