Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
