I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
