Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
