I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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