I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
