I am puke
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
