i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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