covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
