My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize